I can't sleep so I will blog. I sit here with all these thoughts in my head, yet no words really to express them. All I can really say is I'm disappointed in myself. I got ahead of myself without doing my research.

Today was our first...and LAST JDRF Walk for the Cure. As you know, Hynlee was diagnosed just over a month ago with diabetes. I was overwhelmed. I complain all the time about how busy I am. But to be honest that's me, I know no other way. I had us registered, signed up and fundraising before leaving the hospital. Looking back now I understand that was my way of coping. Diabetes was my new problem, and I was going to be super mom. I was going to get the word out there. Bring awareness to this disease. NEVER, for one second did I stop to really research JDRF. Yes, they do some amazing things for children who suffer from this terrible disease. But after the walk, after turning in ALL our money, after bringing my entire family into this, I discover they support stem cell research. My first questions is how, with what type? Abortions? Umbilical fluid? So I sit down and start my research. I'm only getting started. But as of right now, I'm disgusted with what I have read. It seems to me they don't believe it's killing a child, because it's so early in the pregnancy. I say this, I love my children. I would lay my life down right this second to save one. I would take this disease from my baby girl without even thinking about it. BUT my children's life is no more precious than another. They are all a gift from God. I pray for a cure! I pray that no other babies have to endure what these do. But I will NEVER, EVER except a cure that came at the expense of another!

Never in my life would I have supported a company who has done this. This is the reason I will never walk again for Susan G. Komen. I feel absolutely terrible for what I have done. No I didn't know, but that's no excuse. I should have researched. I should have studied. So to those who walked with us, who supported us, who donated I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. This is 100% on me.

So tonight as I lay down, I will see that baby's face. The one I helped abort.
 

It became all very real

I thought I was handling Hynlee's diagnosis well. I'm more educated now than I was three weeks ago. I have held it together, and for me that's huge. I may tend to overreact?? But, now looking back I was in a fog. OK she has diabetes, it could be worse. That is what I have said for the last few weeks. She is still Hynlee. And then the fog let up. It was all clear for the first time in weeks.

She has DIABETES. She now takes insulin THREE times EVERY day. It's NOT going away. There is NO cure.

We have been told by every doctor, nurse, everyone that we caught this VERY early. My pediatrician said, "Mindy, be proud. You were on this. You didn't let the signs go unnoticed." Everyone estimated that she was still honeymooning, which means her body is still producing enough insulin to bring it down on her on. They said she could stay like this from 3-6 months, possibly even a year. At the earliest 1 month.  So for a change instead of looking at the bad, I chose the positive. We had time. I would be more prepared because I caught it early. Most newly diagnosed patient have to go directly on insulin. We were lucky...NO we were blessed. I never saw it coming so soon.

Yesterday was 5 days from a month in the hospital. Hynlee's numbers had been high for the last few days. I called the blood sugar hotline like always. I leave her information. A few hours later a nurse calls me back...again like always. No alarm went off. But she makes the remark that in her opinion, it may be time to start insulin. But being just the nurse she couldn't make that call. She informs me that she would leave Hynlee's file on the doctor's desk. Her last words to me, " No call back is a good sign. Enjoy your weekend."

A couple hours had passed. Hynlee and I had ran errands in town. We had just made it home. I hadn't even had time to tell Derick what the nurse had said yet. I no longer sit down beside him, and my phone rings. Pediatric Endocrine. Huge alarm goes off!

My fear was right. My baby girl is now on insulin three times per day. Every day. No matter her numbers. The fog had lifted. It was all very real. No preparation. The control I thought I had, gone. This is my baby we are talking about. Three year olds are supposed to be playing, running, dressing up. Not taking three shots per day. Not including at least eight finger sticks per day. And not including her two allergy shots every other day. That's a lot of poking and sticking on an adult, especially a tee tiny 29 lbs baby girl.

I know I'm not supposed to ask, why? But I found myself in tears saying those words. If that is His plan for our family to face this battle, why couldn't it be me. All I can say or hope for at this point is that this will be part of her testimony. This is where He has brought her, and He will see her/ us through this.

I can't help but be beyond thankful for her love, her passion for fireman and paramedics and doctorin' as she calls it. I honestly believe the Lord gave her this love for them at such a young age to make this easier. Hynlee is the child who goes to sleep EVERY SINGLE night watching firetrucks as she calls it. It's actually the 70's show Emergency 51. Everyone always needs doctorin'. She has her kit and we aren't talking plastic play stuff. She has HER kit. This is cool to her. The allergy shots are nothing to her. Just a part of our normal routine. However our first insulin shot wasn't so fun. She cried. She was scared and confused. But this morning she took it like a pro once again.

I said all that to say this, when you go to bed at night, remember us. When you are watching your healthy kids play, be thankful. When you tuck your babies in at night, hug them a little tighter. Your alarm may be moments away from going off.

Mr. and Mrs. Kane Chandler

You know how most little girls dream about their wedding day for years. They have a picture of what their perfect dress will look like in their head. They dream of the location, the flowers, every detail. Well that's my Hynlee at only 3! But the thing is she already has the groom picked out also. She started months ago referring to Kane as her boyfriend. Now he's the man she is going to marry. She hasn't decided just yet between her flower girl dress or her princess ball gown. But we do know the location is the beach and pop tarts will be served. Not sure Kane is as thrilled with all the plans, but poor little guy goes right along with her.

Yesterday, Kane came over for a few hours. She was up and dressed without any hesitations. Wedding gown....check. Perfume....check. MY make-up...check. Nails....check. I was down stairs working with the other girls and she got dressed all my herself.

I have to add that her Daddy isn't thrilled with this. It took three kids before he got him a 'buddy" and she is most defiantly his. Ask her who's girl she is. Her response, "Mommies baby, Daddy's Buddy!"

 

A YEAR! Wow! How have I let almost an entire year pass without blogging. And to be honest this has been the hardest year of my adult life. I needed this blog. I needed to let it out, a place to explain all the craziness that has been going on.

I guess for starters we moved. Back to BARTOW!! Listen.... I think I hear the angels singing! I never ever thought Derick would move out of Polk. But he did, and he is happy. Praise the Lord! The girls love it, we love it. Everything was going smoothly.

Well, until February. Derick has worked for the same company our entire marriage. But we had a feeling for a while that things were going bad. He was given the option to move to Washington, D.C. for three months or loose his job. He was hesitate at first. Me being me was all up for it. I was excited. Three months and a whole new city to explore. We broke the news to our families. Of course, the grandparents weren't thrilled but understood. We had to do what was best for our family. So we started the packing process. It's hard enough to pack for a family of five for a week, a couple months. INSANE! But as time got closer we had it done. Oh, I forgot to mention we had to purchase a bigger vehicle also in this time period! We started our goodbyes. And to be honest(I LOVE YOU ALL) but the hardest was Sonny. Words can't describe the love I have for her. She is just like my own. I wish I had the chance to spend as much with my nephews....Back on track! The church goodbye was tough! This is the church we grew up in. The only place either of us know. That last Sunday before we were due to leave they had alter prayer around us and the kids. It was an amazing feeling. Knowing all those saints of God were praying on our behalf. There are no words! We were ready. Uhaul booked. We were doing this. We were moving hundreds of miles away. Everything was ready.

 

UNTIL.....

 

THREE DAYS BEFORE WE LEFT WE GOT A PHONE CALL!

Yes, three days before we were uprooting everything, the Lord changed all the plans! Overnight the second largest glass company in the United States went bankrupt. Gone! Finished! No more! Just like that everything we were use too, everything we had planned changed. There was no more D.C. no more paychecks. Nothing. Being a family of one income this was scary! It's now been 8 months, we still haven't seen his last two pay checks, but BY HIS GRACE we have made it.

Next major event was Derick's eye surgery. I have probably blogged about this before. He was hit in the eye as a teen, with a rock. He had lived with it as long as he could. Too long to be honest. The pain was tremendous. His doctors couldn't believe his tolerance to it. With him currently unemployed  we decided now was the time for surgery. He had battled this decision for so many years. I would have to say he handled it like a pro. No complaints from him! Eye was removed in April and we received his new one in June. AMAZING! I hate that he had to go through all of this. But so very glad I was able to be right beside him through it all. Now we ask people who don't personally know him which is the fake. 99% of the time, they can't tell!!

That gets us to my surgery. I have battled stomach issues for years. It started while pregnant with Hynlee and would come and go. I had 4 or 5 ultrasounds on my gallbladder. Nothing. Upper GI's. Nothing. I was beginning to think they would never ever find the issue. Until one night I had all I could take. I honestly thought I was dying. Childbirth was nothing to what I was feeling. All night in ER and sent home with stomach pains?? Mom kept the girls the next day so I could sleep. BY HIS GRACE again my nurse called from doctors office to talk Mary Kay. Nothing to do with me or being sick. She said give me a few and I will call right back. And just like that I was scheduled for a Hida scan. That's all it took. My gallbladder was only functioning at 11%. I had it removed the next afternoon all alone. They didn't even give Derick time to get to the hospital. But it was the best thing I ever did. I felt amazing after I recovered. Never would wish gallbladder issues on anyone!!

So one almost move, an unemployment, two surgeries. You would think that was enough for a year. But just a couple weeks ago we had yet again a medical emergency. My poor Hynlee was rushed to Children's health care. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Overload is the only word I can use to describe the feeling I had. How? Why? So many questions and not enough answers at the time. After three days in Atlanta she was released. For the most part she is doing great. A few bad days here and there. We go back in a few weeks for more testing. We did start her a support group, Hynlee's Hero's for the JDRF Walk for a Cure. Please go a make a donation. This is the only way to end this disease forever!

Promise not to wait so long before the next post:)