I can't sleep so I will blog. I sit here with all these thoughts in my head, yet no words really to express them. All I can really say is I'm disappointed in myself. I got ahead of myself without doing my research.

Today was our first...and LAST JDRF Walk for the Cure. As you know, Hynlee was diagnosed just over a month ago with diabetes. I was overwhelmed. I complain all the time about how busy I am. But to be honest that's me, I know no other way. I had us registered, signed up and fundraising before leaving the hospital. Looking back now I understand that was my way of coping. Diabetes was my new problem, and I was going to be super mom. I was going to get the word out there. Bring awareness to this disease. NEVER, for one second did I stop to really research JDRF. Yes, they do some amazing things for children who suffer from this terrible disease. But after the walk, after turning in ALL our money, after bringing my entire family into this, I discover they support stem cell research. My first questions is how, with what type? Abortions? Umbilical fluid? So I sit down and start my research. I'm only getting started. But as of right now, I'm disgusted with what I have read. It seems to me they don't believe it's killing a child, because it's so early in the pregnancy. I say this, I love my children. I would lay my life down right this second to save one. I would take this disease from my baby girl without even thinking about it. BUT my children's life is no more precious than another. They are all a gift from God. I pray for a cure! I pray that no other babies have to endure what these do. But I will NEVER, EVER except a cure that came at the expense of another!

Never in my life would I have supported a company who has done this. This is the reason I will never walk again for Susan G. Komen. I feel absolutely terrible for what I have done. No I didn't know, but that's no excuse. I should have researched. I should have studied. So to those who walked with us, who supported us, who donated I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. This is 100% on me.

So tonight as I lay down, I will see that baby's face. The one I helped abort.